We all, including R Kelly, Cry

So… R Kelly has been acquitted of all 14 child pornography charges. Is anyone surprised? I mean, with a BRICK SOLID legal defense like “it wasn’t me”?

Officially, according to the news, there “wasn’t enough evidence” to show that R Kelly was the man on video tape in a three way sex orgy with a minor. Also, R Kelly is a “deeply religious man.” Of course. Religious people are incapable of sexual indiscretion.

Besides, 14 charges of child pornography are insignificant beside an entertainer whose material is important to the masses. The jury is made up of the people after all, and the people know that R Kelly is innocent. Also, he is R Kelly. Evidence like “video footage” or “testimonies” is sufficient to convict R Kelly beyond “reasonable doubt” when both he AND the minor claim “that’s not me.”

So R Kelly is free as a bird: free to sing whatever he wants and do whatever to whoever at whatever age. Like that 15-year old song artist he had sexual relations with and then “married” before the union was annulled. Or the OTHER underage girl that he went to trial over a few years ago–for urinating on. Not that such matters are relevant. It’s hardly likely that sex offenders would ever repeat the same sex crime twice…or more than twice.

But anyway, it doesn’t matter. It’s R Kelly! They (I mean the girls) like it, so no problem. He said it himself: “Age Ain’t Nothin But A Number” (another song).

I also love what his defendants and proponents of his music (::cough:: sales) have to say about how this verdict is going to affect R Kelly’s career (which is, of course, the only interesting question when it comes to sex crimes). R Kelly is selling more records than ever. And why not? He’s set a precedent of sex with under-aged girls as perfectly acceptable.

“Despite the controversy, Kelly continued to record and entertain, even including sexually charged lyrics in his songs. And his last major tour in 2006 earned 8.3 million dollars.

‘There’s something about him and his music,’ Gail Mitchell, senior R&B correspondent for Billboard Magazine told AFP last month.

‘He has his finger on the pulse of what’s going on, what hot melodies people are going to want to hear.’ “

Right. Because sex has never sold anything. He must be genius to market that to the masses. Although the news writers cite the song “I Believe I Can Fly” (an anomaly in the line up), most of R Kelly’s work is about boinking, with stellar titles like: ‘Bump ‘N Grind,” “Sex Me,” “Your Body’s Calling,” “Honey Love,” “The Greatest Sex,” “Sex in the Kitchen,” “Sex Weed,” “Feelin’ on Your Booty.”

Maybe he’s a genius because of his use of metaphors? Like equating sex to starting a car in the hit song “Ignition”? But I’m going to go with “no.”

Of course, maybe we’re being too hard on R Kelly. After all, his music is popular. Besides, he’s an entertainer. He could just be a smart businessman who has no conniptions about exploiting a ready market. After all, sex sells like hotcakes. It always has. In our oversexed culture, it sells like hotcakes to the starving.

However, I’m more inclined to believe that R Kelly’s music reflects his actual character: a 41 year old man who wants to boink 15 year old girls and lie about it. Deeply religious indeed.

“What happened today when those verdicts started (was) you got to see the real Robert Kelly. He sat there and he was contrite. He sat there and he was crying,” said another defense lawyer Sam Adam.

Sounds about right. Here’s my advice to you, R Kelly: Grow up.

Learn more about the lawyers and other figures involved in R Kelly’s trial.